Matty White loses his Marbles

What a great f1 season we have witnessed. The season culminated in Suzuka with a number of great performances that would have made Neil Crompton proud. There was some impressive driving by Takuma "The Dream" Sato but Martin Brundle still gave his driver of the day to Jenson Button. There was also a great drive (well at least an interesting one) by Ralf, who shut-up all his critics (including me) by having a go at Big Brother. Although these were all fantastic performances the most impressive of all was by Sennamental Favourite for swooping from the clouds to take the round win and the championship. All I can say is it is well deserved.

It's a good time to reflect on the season that was before we are joined by Neil Crompton for the awards ceremony. We started the season with Gladious previewing the season ahead, and predicting that Sennamental Favourite (amongst others) had a good chance to claim the title. Well Gladious, you picked it, but I spose it wasn't really that hard... it's a bit like saying Coulthard will never win the title. Also at the start of the season was the great Sandy Roberts controversy which resulted in the INJECTION of Daryl Beattie to liven up the reports, but my favourite report of the year would have to be "The Richie Tour Diary" as rambled by Richie Benaud. It showed Richie's extensive skill at rambling.

In the underSteer race we had The Pace Car setting the early pace, but they had to return to the pits and only managed to finish equal 10th. After The Pace Car let the race continue EatMyShorts and Sennamental Favourite had a round in the lead each before Honey, I... settled in for 4 rounds, but the writing was on the wall and the leader's curse struck again. I really hope that Honey, I... doesn't do a "Big Red" next year because that would be a tragedy for the underSteer world.

It's now time for the awards, so I give you, Neil Crompton.

Thanks Scotty, and can I say you've done a great job reporting on underSteer this year. Billy and I are looking for someone to replace Grant "ladies man" Denyer, now he's gone to Channel 7, and you're in as long as you don't dribble as much sh!t as Matty White. Can you believe he thought Murph was running over the marbles just to rub it in to the rest of the field at Bathurst??? What sort of idiot is he??? I bet he doesn't even have his own RPM slide ruler to match his RPM research folder. Anyway, I'm here to give out some awards, not to talk up Matty White, so let's get on with the show and the first award is:

The Outrageous Tip Award

The winner is threek for picking Villeneuve to qualify 1st in San Marino. threek, had you repeated this pick for Suzuka, you could have been on a date with Danii Minogue by now... oh well, live and learn...

next is The Rookie of the Year Award

This award goes to the highest ranked newcomer to the underSteer contest and the winner is Mcwillari, who was threatening to win the lot but could only manage 4th place in the end.

now it's The Boring Award

Last year this award went home with Mr Halfwit and the name change to Honey, I... must have made them less boring (I spose that's what Rick Moranis brings to the table) because The Boring Award goes to Mista_Ferrari who had both Ferraris, both Williams, both McLarens, both Renaults and Heidfeld finishing EVERY race.

now I'm not sure if this award is official. It is written out on a scrappy bit of paper with ramblings about Sandy Roberts on it but anyway it's called The CARTERCUS presents Who Was Ripped Off The Most By The Bonus Driver Award,

And the winner is... CARTERCUS.

Hmmmmm, there's only one place to go from there, The Yoong Appreciation Award, drum roll please...

And the winner is... it's a tie between Scotty Beveridge and Mrs. Yoong. Scotty Beveridge has been a faithful servent to the Yoongy F1 campaign and Mrs. Yoong has dedicated all wins to her son.

And finally it's The JJJ Award

This award replaces The MMM Award from last year and is given to the punter with the most points for Jenson, Jos and Jarno, and the winner is The Red Baron with 178 points. Second is DNF – Dead Near Fence with 152 points and third is Honey, I... with 147 points.

That's all the awards this year. Since this year's winner entered picks, The Steven Bradbury Award will not be awarded.

To close the night I've got a few stats about this year and some predictions for next year. Firstly the best bonus driver pickers were GreenMachine and evel knievel racing (both picked the bonus driver 3 times). The highest round score was 95 by Osca Scuderi in Italy and the lowest was 20 by Honey, I... in USA. The highest number of correct race picks was 27 by DNF – Dead Near Fence, and the best qualifier was Paul with a risqué 69 points. And now to the crystal ball... I can see Honey, I... doing a "Big Red" and finding it very hard to finish anywhere near the top ten in 2004. I can see Alonso fighting more closely for the championship. I can see Jusitn "stockmarket" Wilson staying at Jag, the second Jordan drive going to the highest bidder who can lap within half a second of Heidfeld and the two Minardi drives going to the highest bidders (so please put your dosh behind the Yoongy F1 campaign). I can see Coulthard competing in his last season of F1 and finally I can see "The Chatter" winning the championship. In the underSteer battle I think the main contenders will be EatMyShorts, Mcwillari, Big Red, Mrs. Yoong and the punter with the most podiums this year (4 of them), DNF – Dead Near Fence.

So that's it for another year, Scotty has left the building... he was raving something about getting some big V tabs cos he was going on a date with Danii Minogue. So on behalf of all at underSteer, thanks for your participation this year and we look forward to your patronage next year when Sennamental Favourite will be gunning for two in a row.