What a great f1 season we have witnessed. The season culminated in Suzuka with a number of great performances that would have made Neil Crompton proud. There was some impressive driving by Takuma "The Dream" Sato but Martin Brundle still gave his driver of the day to Jenson Button. There was also a great drive (well at least an interesting one) by Ralf, who shut-up all his critics (including me) by having a go at Big Brother. Although these were all fantastic performances the most impressive of all was by Sennamental Favourite for swooping from the clouds to take the round win and the championship. All I can say is it is well deserved.  more...

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With Schuey all but winning the championship, I thought it was a good time to go back in the vaults to find the first race Murray commentated. Now considering what he was like after 50 years experience that should warn you on what he was like as an apprentice. Here it is in pieces:

"Silverstone spelt backwards is Enotsrevlis. Motorsport spelt backwards is Tropsrotom. England spelt backwards is Dnalgne and Formula One spelt backwards is if. All words to describe this race, except Dnalgne, it sounds a bit NAZI to me"...  more...

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Here we are at Monza. What a beautiful day for a race. Earlier we managed to speak to David Coulthard and we put to him what many are saying around the traps, that he has put all his eggs on black and as a result his cannasticism is at an all time low. David went ranting and raving about how he has been really unlucky this year and if he had a fast car, he would have won the title. After we put it to him that he has been "really unlucky" about 10 years in row now he left the interview and security removed us before we had time to ask him if he would prefer to race for Minardi or Jordan or maybe the Arrows team could make a comeback.

We then went to get a grab from Zsolt the Bolt about his thoughts on this run of bad luck for DC. If our translation was correct Zsolt said that DC was about as unlucky as a ride in an elevator... Hmmmm, it may have lost something in the translation. After having a good ole chinwag with Zsolt, we left him with his little Ralf Firman voodoo doll and went to meet with James Allen. We found James on the phone asking for inspiration.  more...

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This report is dedicated to what was one of the most beautiful love stories ever on world wide television. Marty and Jess, good luck in your futures.

I am writing the first part of this report standing outside the court house where Ralf Schumacher has appealed his ten grid penalty for the smash he caused at the German GP. The case has finished and although details are sketchy word is filtering through that Ralf will now not be penalized any grid places for Hungary. I am also getting word through now that Frank Williams has agreed as compensation to give Bernie E a 15 minute lap dance?!? What the?!? Somebody is having a lend of me I think?!? I mean it just makes no sense. How would Frank get out of his wheel chair?!? (Princess when I send this back to the editing house can you delete those last few sentences if it is not true, thanks sweet heart).  more...

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What do they put in the water at Silverstone??? It produced the best race of the season with heaps of overtaking manoeuvres. Everyone was getting in on the Montoya act, except for Ralfy... it appears that the voodoo that big brother do has had a lasting affect on poor young Ralfy. Meanwhile, Rubenio has been assembling a little army of lunatics to invade circuits around the world. Back in Germany circa 2000, Rubenio got his first win when Mr Halfwit invaded the track and now we have a new lunatic invading Silverstone and Rubenio winning again. Rubenio stated before the race this weekend "I have not come here to finish second!" Me thinks he and the loony had planned this dastardly deed. Unfortunately, when all the drivers came into the pits to ask their team to fit extra large bull bars in case any other crazies had escaped from Windsor Castle, Channel Ten decided to go to an ad. I was spewing.  more...

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There has been a bit of a changing of the guard over the last four rounds with Professor Xavius team winning three of the four rounds. In particular Ralf has won the last two rounds and is in real contention for the title. If it does come to a fight between him and his brother the critics might be proven right about his overtaking abilities. Michael is no help, always playing mind games with him like giving him framed pictures of car crashes, paper machés of Ralf in his racing leathers with his head cut off and basically saying we have had one death in the family, lets not make it two. But if it was my brother ahead of me, I would take him out or failing that overtake him. Ralf just needs to bite the bullet and accept that sometimes you are gonna kill people.  more...

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Here we are at the Nurburgring for the ninth round of the underSteer championship. I hope the racing will be as exciting as my 1967 hemi road runner with competition orange paint, 8 track, foot print "loud" pedal. It blows them away at the local Maccas drive-thru. Dang!! Anyway, we have got to keep on truckin with the review of the race.

It is great to see the fans out in force at this the home track of Mr Halfwit (currently Honey, I...) and Helmut. We have Dougie the pizza boy in pit lane doing a deal, two for one, something about breakfast of champions and he has no pizzas... very professional!! He must be looking for AJ to settle his debt. Talking about debts,  more...

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For sure, what a rip-off Montreal was. Where were all the overtaking manoeuvres at the end? Clearly Ralfy S. aka "yella" is scared of taking his brother out. If it were anyone but Shumi aka "BB" in front, yella would have gone the big overtake manoeuvre and then after the ensuing chaos JPM aka "The Pope" would have 2 wins in a row, Kimi aka "The Chatter" would retain the lead in the championship and Alonso aka "ABBA" would have scored another podium-finish, which might have given him some much-needed coverage on the Spanish news, but noooooooo yella had to "bring home the points". I reckon Franky W. aka "Wheels" should fire yella and bring in someone with some guts/spine/balls/whatever... or maybe he could see if Sandy Roberts aka "Ahhhhh yes" can supply the appendage that yella is missing.  more...

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Before I start this report I must apologise on behalf of all underSteer writers for the recent lateness of the reports for each GP. The reason for this though is simple - people living in Australia get each Grand Prix on a 10-day delay due to Big Brother going over schedule. However, as I am on location in Monte Carlo you will get an up-to-date report. Here it is...  more...

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Well Barry Sheene was a trendsetter. Since my last time writing, Daijiro Kato and Possum Bourne got in on the act of topping themselves. I headed down to a little town called Targa in South Australia for the Targa Tasmania. While enjoying my stay at Targa I realised that I was in the wrong place. I made a mistake anyone could make and others did. One person came up to me and said "No rally here, Daryl". Two person came up to me and said "No rally here, Daryl". Three person came up to me and said "No rally here, Daryl". I was starting to think that I was in the wrong place. So I headed to Targa in Western Australia. Eventually I arrived in Tasmania to meet the next to follow Bazzus lead, Colin Bond, who has Murray Walker as his co-driver.  more...

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Yes, the mega-bitch is back. I have not been seen in a fulltime capacity at underSteer since my controversial report on the Mafia at the Italian GP last year. I cannot talk too much about what I have been up to and why I am back. This is mainly due to:

a) pending court action
b) an exclusive arrangement I have with PBL off-shoots, 60 Minutes and Penthouse

All will be revealed in good time... possibly just after the Monaco GP, believe it or not. Anyway, I am sitting at Bernie Ecclestone International Airport after watching the Spanish GP when, at the suggestion of my spiritual guru Herbert, I started to write down on a note pad thoughts that would randomly enter my head (he thought it could help with my split personality disorder)...  more...

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Australia dominantly won the World Cup and I have mixed emotions about it coming to an end. Firstly, the quite extraordinary cricket has come to an end. On the other hand the hassle of dealing with commentators (Bill Lawry having to work with Kerry O. on ING games) and coming to grips with computers during a hectic schedule has been difficult. The first of my entries about helping the disadvantaged youth of South Africa apparently went to a site that Gary Glitter has links to. Before I knew it, I had a visit from the local constabulary much to the chagrin of Slasher Mackay and Stanley Joseph McCabe. So it will be good to see this on baggygreen.com.  more...

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Daryl Beattie, what a rider, what a commentator. I have just one criticism of the Daryl Beattie style.... ya too "Darrell E", Daryl, tone it down a bit sunshine. All in all, there is only one way to describe this "report", but Sules is the only man that can get away with using profanities, so to my report... Brazil, what a place, what a race. On track it seemed Coulthard had the win in the bag, until Mark "BBQ" Webber had a huge acco because he saw that DC and Ralfy had just pitted and wanted to rob them of as many points as possible, and I salute BBQ for having the guts to do it. In the underSteer circus The Red Baron took the win despite evel knievel racing picking up a 10 point bonus for picking da Matta. The name change (previously: Go Michael 45) has definitely helped The Red Baron who was a serial also-ran last year.

A lot has happened in F1 recently, but more importantly for all you Yoongy fans,  more...

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DNF - Dead Near Fence come first (65 points). Baby Schumachers come second (62 points). threek come third (61 points).  more...

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A controversy erupted before the first car hit the track this year. Sandy Roberts wanted to create a team for underSteer. Many of you will know Sandy as the Channel Seven commentator with test!cles. With everybody treating Bruce as the God of commentary, Sandy was forced to find solace in his big hairy globes. So, Sandy wanted to advertise the fact that he had big bulging test!cles and named his team after B1 and B2.  more...

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Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the official preview for the now officially sanctioned underSteer Formula One Tipping Competition for 2003. With so many rule changes it is going to be very interesting for all and sundry to see who takes the top spot in 2003. Barring any late ring-ins the final line-up looks set in concrete. For an exclusive preview of underSteer 2003, please read on. For anybody easily offended please read on as well. I love a good defo case.  more...