Cowboy butts drive me nuts

Here we are at the Nurburgring for the ninth round of the underSteer championship. I hope the racing will be as exciting as my 1967 hemi road runner with competition orange paint, 8 track, foot print "loud" pedal. It blows them away at the local Maccas drive-thru. Dang!! Anyway, we have got to keep on truckin with the review of the race.

It is great to see the fans out in force at this the home track of Mr Halfwit (currently Honey, I...) and Helmut. We have Dougie the pizza boy in pit lane doing a deal, two for one, something about breakfast of champions and he has no pizzas... very professional!! He must be looking for AJ to settle his debt. Talking about debts, Montoya left the iron on at home and during his rush home the French police clocked him at 110 mph. He got an $1100 fine and 4 months suspension. They must have got him on a slow day. Dang!! Oh No!! They're off Helmut, Get Murray out here!! Look Michael Schumacher has been caught napping by his younger brother Ralf. Räikkönen -.-.-. hooking away. Villeneuve is having a titanic battle with the Minardi's. Panis is showing us how he out-brakes himself. Oh No!! Look, poor Räikkönen is out, maybe one day UNICEF will get into the impound business but until then he'll have to look in Auto Trader for championship points, and another engine.

All you people wondering why Michael Schumacher went off the track, we will tell you right here and now. It all stemmed from a bumper sticker that said "Cowboy buts drive me nuts", that's the truth and I will wring this chamois as long as I can. Now with Michael beached, rule 151 comes into play "If JPM uses any profanity (eg/ shitloads, shit happens) in the after race press conference, any dispute Schumi has about incidents with JPM will be disregarded". Villeneuve and Trulli are out and will be looking for UNICEF's phone number also and... wait... Mr Halfwit, what's that white smoke coming out of da Matta's Toyota? The engine's blown. Oh what a feeling!

Meanwhile Coulthard shows us how to do a handbrake slide when your car doesn't have a handbrake. There are no more retirements and the winner is Ralf "Not so yella anymore" Schumacher followed by Juan-Pablo "I'll pass anyone around the outside except for the French constabulary" Montoya, Rubens "Do I have a job, Jean?" Barrichello, Fernando Alonso, Michael Schumacher and our own Mark "BBQ" Webber in sixth. Now to the underSteer results: In qualifying it was Sennamental Favourite taking the lead by picking the top four but Mcwillari's race setup was easily enough to take the win and move into the overall top 8 for the first time. And finally, on the bonus driver front, both SuperDave and Fast Furious Fewawi managed to pick Frentzen in ninth place.

Now with the race over, I'll head back to silver town before heading to the next race in France. But remember, Life's a garden, dig it.