Kimi got a Gun

Well first of all I have to point out Daryl's lies about his innocence in seeing An American in Paris Hilton. I'm the one that was shocked at what Daryl was doing. (everybody knows that the elderly inhabit the daytime sessions at arthouse cinemas like a cancer) Daryl was committing sins that the church had never even heard of. I also saw Irreversible and I think I saw the teams that were at the Melbourne Grand Prix as extras in the gay club scene when a man has his skull crushed by repeated blows to the head with a fire extinguisher. After that happens they say "this place is full of batty men, lets go".

Now I know I'm not usually around until later in the season. You can usually expect me a couple of rounds after Daryl devotes a report to the NAZI's but it's a big season, 19 races, so I decided to promote myself up in the order.

It's been three weeks since the Bahrain race and I've heard from Slasher McKay that Jarno Trulli's wife has given birth to their first child, Enzo. With Jarno getting a couple of podiums recently it makes you wonder whether or not he goes well is down to his night time relations with his wife. If things are happening, he's going to come tenth. (It explains the end of last year) But with a loud baby crying day and night, the quietest place for him to sleep will be inside an F1 car. While over in Miami Stan McCabe alerted me to the fact that the Montoyas have brought their second child into the family with the birth of their first baby. I can only imagine what a Colombian is going to use to help him stay awake and alert for the races.

It was also in Bahrain that these two drivers were linked once again when it was rumoured that some people thought Trulli's "JP2 I love you" sticker was an obscure reference to Montoya. It was also around this time that Bridgestone were getting a sledging from all corners. Barrichello stuck up for the tyre company by saying that when they were under pressure in 2003, they fought back to win the championship. Even though back then they won because the Michelin tyre was deemed illegal after the Hungary race that Schumacher got lapped in. This weekend though, the Ferrari has fought back. An interesting footnote of this fight back was the retirement of Barrichello who could be going back to the bad luck of the new car that he had two years ago. Although it's still too early to judge for that.

For mine, the most interesting story of the weekend was Kimi hunting Ted Kravitz for sport. I don't exactly know where Ted was hiding when Kimi came back to the pits after he DNF'd or what he was doing but he sounded guilty of being with Kimi's favourite woman. He was guilty of not getting an interview with the hothead to find out what he really thinks because who believes that the quotes on the internet attributed to Kimi are actually by Kimi and not dictated by a storm trooper.

With the circus returning to Europe it seems that it's a case of a new pope a new ferrari. As the last pope got worse and worse so did ferrari's race results. While McLaren finally overcame their qualifying problems but it came to nothing for Kimi when he did a driveshaft eight laps in. Ted tells me it was partly due to Kimi's over aggresion on the kerbs which led to it. Apparenly the back of Kimi's car was jumping off the kerbs and damaging the driveshaft. It was when Ted was in the McLaren pits on Saturnday saying "If I drove for McLaren I'd...", basically angling for a gig, that caused Kimi to hunt him for the rest of the weekend. The other McLaren of Alexander Wurz had a solid race in the car that was finishing up its two race run and was a difficult pick for many punters. Another up in the air pick was the debut of Liuzzi who on the Friday practices of the three previous races spun the car. Quite a many teams thought he would do this even though he hadn't raced on those tracks and had nothing to lose on parts of a track with no potential damage to a car if he pushes it.

Penex Racing took the win with the pick of the round when the team was all alone picking Fisichella (the bonus driver) coming dead last helping them to break into the top ten for the first time. While both Mark Holden and Sennamental Favourite rounded out the podium on 89 points. It was the first podium for Garry Kasparov's inbred cousin, Mark Holden, this year and is something that is sorely needed after last year when the team's only success was logging in. While Sennamental Favourite's success was bitter sweet after being bed ridden. Possibly being overcome at both him and his DSS (decision support system) team, Eyes of the Dragon, placed in contention in the top five. However I'm willing to bet all of the memorabilia Tony Greig hasn't yet flogged that the team will be out of the top 15 by the time you see Richie Benaud's name to a report later in the season.

Elsewhere in the field Buff my Helmet has taken the lead for the third race in a row and may look to feel like he can hold onto it for a good while yet. But I think some punters to look out for are kazonis, Big Red, Mcwillari and To the Finnish. kazonis who joined afer Australia has had 3 top tens in a row and is already up to eighth spot. While To the Finnish could move up if the McLaren of Kimi takes wins with their improved qualifying. Big Red and Mcwillari could go either way. Both of them have just the one top ten finish but Big Red could be gaining back the form that the team had in 2002. While Mcwillari has a win the other results are below 17th position. I see Mcwillari a bit like Brett Lee in that he has had a great first year, then hasn't done much since but looks like he could be coming back at the moment.

Two other teams that I would like to highlight are DNF - Dead Near Fence and The Doctor. Looking at The Doctor's favourite personality being Frysie and sending Mark Holden to the diary room, things can only get worse for the team with Big Brother starting soon. DNF - Dead Near Fence on the other hand hasn't finished a season outside the top five but this year the team has only scored one result that is higher than 40 points and is 134 points off the pace. The team should take their mind off the Titans and the fact that the Totalspan dog is shit and back on The Schuminator's sexuality if they want to taste success again. But I think The Doctor might just be down their to call DNF's season.

Barcelona will be starting in the coming days and with Alonso going so well, the revival of Ferrari, BAR owning the unofficial lap record, McLaren with a better all-round car and Williams winning as many races at the track as Ferrari, should result in a wide variety of tips. It's also important to note with the security lapse last year with the friend of underSteer, Jimmy Jump, and the victims of the Madrid bombing in mind each person will only be allowed to take their body weight of explosives into the race. In times like these, sometimes discretion is needed.