Sules Says Reporters
Sules (reporter.sules@understeer-tt.com)
Sules was born a healthy 200 pound middle aged man during the great baby boom of 1980 following the release of the Steve Guttenberg star vehicle Can't Stop the Music about those disco phenomenons, The Village People. But, Sules first job wasn't going to be a Policeman, Construction Worker, Indian or Leatherman. It was to be doing "On the Road" for Channel Ten, talking to country folk about their expectations for beef week in Rocky and other important matters. Sules' life changed when he met a family that reminded him of the Beverly Hillbillies and with the death of their son he became a surrogate, mainly because he has one test!cle. Ever since then, Sules has had strong feelings about test!cles and eunuchs like Ralf Schumacher.
Scotty Beveridge (reporter.scotty@understeer-tt.com)
Scotty Beveridge first made a name for himself when he got a chance to substitute for that news-reading guru, Glenn Taylor. The Brisbanites among you may remember that Glenn was fired after an incident regarding, well... ahhh... balls. Fresh out of school, Scotty was like a kid in a candy store. He couldn't believe his luck. Scotty went on to report on all Brisbane personalities from Aker to Lethal Leigh, but it all turned bad when he tried the old "Other ladies think I'm hot, so how about it?" routine by bragging that he was a Cleo Bachelor of the Year finalist. He was sent back to school, reporting for The Total News (TTN), a Channel Ten rip-off of Behind the News (BTN). This return to school means he'll have more free time to pursue his interests including weather, weather girls, Champ Cars and of course reporting for underSteer.
Gladious Fermingo (reporter.gladious@understeer-tt.com)
Gladious Fermingo is an internationally respected journalist, function organiser, former top ten world ranked table tennis player, F1 junkie and reformed sex maniac. He holds an M.B.A from Harvard and an honourary doctorate from Bribie Island TAFE horticulture college where he made the once bankrupt college 1.2 million in 6 months growing and selling marijuana. Dr Fermingo is the author of several acclaimed books, including Don't Tell Ralf, His Brother Wants Him Dead: the inside story of the Schumacher Brothers. Dr Fermingo, having battled his way through an addiction to junk food now spends most of his time on the F1 circuit reporting for underSteer. How can he afford to do this? "Always keep a little put away for the future", is Gladious' only advice for the kids out there.
Daryl Beattie (reporter.daryl@understeer-tt.com)
Hi my name is Daryl Beattie. I'm a fun-loving guy, in fun size amounts, with the measurements 44-44-44. I was born on September 26, 1970 in Charleville and so far I'm not dead. That would have to be the highlight of my career and it's that quality that appealed to the bosses of Channel Ten. But throughout both my careers as a participant in crazy demon bike riding and a talker of crazy demon bike riding the rumour of switching or trying formula one persisted. To throw a colourful personality into a bunch of boring people, I suppose. But there were critics saying I should switch to training wheels before formula one. The thing is you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette. In bikes you have to break a few legs, scaphoids, fingers, toes, then lose the toes, back, knees, shoulders, jaw, spleen, ribs, neck, arms, wrist, pelvis, crotch and buns to win. Now I'm reporting for underSteer, Daryl Beattie this is your life.
Richie Benaud (reporter.richie@understeer-tt.com)
He doesn't like spin bowlers getting near the perpendicular. He fired his brother John after a century on debut. He looks like Yoda's older brother and no one understands him except for his two wives. After finishing his cricket career Richie wanted to stay involved in cricket in a media role for the ABC but having an Australian accent held him back. Then out of nowhere came a man wanting to make money out of sport and after a matter of time his trademarks were out on show. The bone suit, hair style and asking questions with statements at the Allan Border Medal night became a regular part of his commentary palette. Now Richie is in his Autumn years and senility is taking over resulting in him seeing things in a different light. Such as if your going to die don't go to a hospital because they'll either give you bad news or worse still save you. As Richie says it's the only way Mr Packer will let him off talking to Simon O'Donnell.
Joe the Hobo (reporter.joe@understeer-tt.com)
Joe the Hobo is a qualified Artificial Inseminator. He got the gig as an underSteer reporter because he is a mate of Sules. Sules first met Joe on a tour to the Belgium GP in 2002. At the time Joe was a recovering saliva-phile, and Sules became Joe's sponsor. After getting his saliva together, Joe went on to bigger and better things. He now owns a 1967 hemi road runner, that he is very proud of, and is a regular at the local Macca's. Joe's interests include horse insemination, cow insemination, pig insemination, dugong insemination and last but not least, formula one driver insemination. Joe is busy working on a project to create a half formula one driver half rabbit type creature in order to supply Williams with a driver that can keep up with the demanding "off track, on slats" life of the modern F1 driver.
The Fat Cadets (reporter.cadets@understeer-tt.com)
During our period of multi-vision eurithmic we developed a sojourn felipe but we couldn't carry any cannasticism past the magnatecs because of the plasma-vision, so we rounded up on the door of one square doored head-quarters at underSteer and got our head down in order to put our behind in and pull our head off while getting out of our boot but everyone said we should have pulled our head out and taken a look around and cut the mustard with a fork. It's where the winning delights had taken us and where the turkish delight had let us down. In the end we came from the dirt to create a victory from the jaws of dust and as such we got this gig as reporters for underSteer.
Hector (reporter.hector@understeer-tt.com)
The journalist from Barcelonne is best known for his brilliant in-depth post-race interviews with riders from MotoGP. Phrases like "Vale, talk!", "Sete, talk!", "Casey, talk!", is a line of questioning or repeated commands that isn't often used but Hector brings a forgotten art to the fore time after time after time. Legendary root rat, Barry Sheene, described him in glowing terms when he said, "that guy that does the interviews asks some pretty stupid questions SOMETIMES". While critics of his put him down as nothing more than a Spanish John "Smails Trails" Smails. Nevertheless, Hector will be covering the odd MotoGP and WRC round after Daryl was kind enough to pay him under the table.
Ron Burgundy
Ron is the newest member of the underSteer reporting team and his bio will be released soon.