Pinch Me, I'm Dreaming!

2005: Kimi Vs Alonso. The Unreliable Rocket McLaren Vs The Reliable Renault
2006: Schumi M Vs Alonso. The Revenge Seeking Ferrari Vs The Reliable Renault
2007: Kimi Vs Alonso Vs Hamilton. The Up And Down Ferrari Vs The Gutter Twins
2008: Massa Vs Hamilton. The Up And Down Ferrari Vs The Revenge Seeking McLaren
2009: Webber Vs Vettel Vs Button. Red Bull Vs Brawn GP. Huh??! Who gives a shit??!

In all the years and years and years and years and years (literally) that I've closely followed Formula One this year has been the most bizarre. This report will include my exclusive half drunk ramblings about what is wrong with F1 as well as my half yearly report card on the shit underSteer punters as well as those punters who rate themselves somewhat of a chance to [snigger snigger] win the F1 underSteer title this year. Anywho, as per usual, if you don’t like; bite me!

Look don’t get me wrong, it is arhhh... different that the usual teams and drivers aren’t on the podium this year, but for me the novelty of seeing a driver like Rubens anywhere near the podium has well and truly run out. F1 is about the megastar drivers and their egos like Hamilton, Alonso, and Kimi along with the glamour teams like Ferrari and McLaren. Only the diehards would love the current Red Bull v Brawn GP battle. F1 is a multibillion dollar industry so if anybody thinks that we will see a repeat of these wide spread rule changes that came in to effect this year and made the races somewhat of a lottery better think again. That great white elephant KERS will be confined to the same burial ground as Nelson Piquet’s F1 “career” at the end of this year. Basically, there is more chance of Michael Jackson teaching Steven Hawking how to do the Moonwalk than what there is of seeing any team other than Ferrari or McLaren winning the 2010 championship.

But let’s not get all bitter. There have been some good things about this year’s F1 season. The most obvious for Australians was that Mark Webber finally broke his draught and won a race. For those who missed it here is how Webber celebrated winning the race. I’d like that as a ringtone.

In sad news, Max Mosley has announced his retirement. Again he has been in the middle of another political shitfight between the current F1 teams who call themselves FOTA (excluding Williams) and the FIA. FOTA had threatened to start their own breakaway series due to the FIA wanting to put into place a salary cap for all F1 teams next year... but that was never going to happen. That was just the subtext to a political power play which has resulted in Max Mosley (finally) retiring from his role of FIA president. Max did try to hang on and even went to some FOTA meetings to try and broker some kind of compromise between his (FIA) budget plans and what FOTA wanted (no budget). One gets the feeling that Max was as welcome to these FOTA meetings as a pork chop would be at a synagogue. Farewell Max and thanks for the memories.

On to underSteer and keeping in the tradition of previous backmarkers now leading the F1 championship, we have DNF-Dead Near Fence leading this year’s underSteer F1 championship. In second spot we have Brad the Gay Horse Trainer with Wain KERS Research looking very good in third. You can forget the rest. Below is what I think of everybody so far this year.

DNF - Dead Near Fence, (777) - Could win it but I doubt it.

Brad the Gay Horse Trainer (768) - Going for two championships in a row or 7 F1 podiums from 8 seasons. Will need some luck.

Wain KERS Research (749) - The favourite to win the championship. I think Wain is keen to add a championship to his 7 encouragement awards in underSteer.

The Jackal (720) - Another who I think is keen to win but I can't see that happening anytime this decade

TEAM K (716) - LOL

Gert IV (709) - Goes to show if you throw enough darts you’re bound to hit the target every and now again. A current top 6 finish is Gert's idea of a bullseye.

The X Factor (707) - Too drunk to know what is happening but will no doubt get some more podiums before the season is out.

Ban Refuelling (693) - Garbage. How are you in the top ten?

sweetaction (692) - Bosssssie. Legggggggend. Started the year well but reality has set in.

MPR (691) - WTF? Do you know the admin password or something this year? How are you this high up?

The Webbernator (682) - Had his big chance last year and won't be anywhere near the podium for many a year now.

kennymiesta (679) - V8 Supercars fan. Don't go in the sophisticated category of underSteer next year please.

Daves Team (671) - Results are up and down like Paris Hilton on her prom night.

West Racing (668) - If it isn't bad enough that your crap at tipping, you don't like Kimi, McLarens best driver of the last 5 years. Traitor!

GO GO Team (668) - Good work son!! Sorry, I just thought of Craig Foster for a minute.

Stealth Force (668) - The worst underSteer punter of all time.

Iceman (668) - Needs to improve his consistency as this team could be a potential champion in the next few years.

Bealy Biker Boys (666) - A MotoGP fan, and what's even worse... a Rossi fan boy. So do you like Michael Schumacher as well?

Rotax 1 (664) - Wants to finish with a medal this year. What's that in, Al?

Bakstoke (659) - The man they call Piggy had a golden run for three races but as per usual, reality has set in.

Sennamental Favourite (655) - It used to be kind of fun to laugh at SmF's results last year. Even I am starting to feel sorry for him and that is saying something.

Credit Crumple Zone (654)- ... but the funny thing which I have just noticed is SmF is beating Credit Crumple Zone. That must be why CCZ hasn't been paying out on SmF's results this year. It is sort of sad seeing former champions down this low. Well not sad for me, I find it hilarious... but metaphorically sad... I s'pose...

Oversteer-Schniztelhaus (651) - Well, what do you expect - shit.

The Bundy Bear (649) - I've just read Bundies profile... strange boy.

Stimulus package (648) - Your profile says you want to beat Bernie with a stick. Substitute Bernie for Max and stick with whip and I’d think you were a NAZI gigolo.

Chewythewookie (647) - Is it any wonder you are losing your hair with the Saffirs kicking your arse.

IcyBroads (644) - Lotus eh? Were they one of the 40 or whatever FIA teams for next year?

Ozzie (637) - I do feel sorry for your current predicament and I can only imagine your crime must have been bad for you to be sent to South Africa. God have mercy on your soul.

galaga (629) - Another V8 Supercars fan. Look, here is the link http://understeer-tt.com/v8/2009/Default.aspx

wah ha (626) - Phew, it does get harder as you go down this list...

ihateholdens (624) - Another Bogan 'you know what' fan... this one hates Holden’s so he is also un-Australian.

Berrien County Racing (624) - The rather excitable token Yankee F1 punter. I picture you to be like Richard Reid.

The DR (619) - I can count on Daryl Beattie's left foot how many minutes of motorsport The DR has watched this year... or the past 2 years.

Gate 21 (612) - Seems to know a bit about F1 but with the advent of Wikipedia I suppose we are all experts on everything.

Hamilton (611) - Looks like Lewis has mellowed a bit but I reckon he will go back to his arrogant best next year.

6UL DV8 (606) - Oh dear, you like that Naked Beach show about those male only beachs in South America. Each tho their own. BTW, so do you know EatMyShorts?? Could you get his autograph for me??

The Crome Arrow (605) - Kiwi so about where one would expect.

Mengão Super Race Team (577) - Rodrigo from Brasil, no need to showboat mate... we all know you name is just plain old Rod from Rochedale.

dante05 (576) - Bloody hell... another V8 fan. Is it any wonder the IQ of the F1 category has dropped?

UHEAT (570) - Richo... you go girlfriend. Crap.

Minotaur (565) - An Ayton Senna fan in Ireland. You should look up Sennamental Favourite so you can hang out and talk about the great man. Senna that is, not Boss Hogg.

Dawkins GP (563) - Why me... oh why me.

dileep55 (553) - Who's shout is it anyway?

Speed Demon (552) - Another Kiwi. Who let you in this comp!?

frieda favs (552) - Saffir, yeah who let you in as well?!!

Pete:stop (543) - It must really take some kind of effort to be this shit. In fact, I think I have underestimated your talent for this. My apologies.

The 123 Kids (543) - The Verway Range?? Is that what we call The Wall in Sydney? Anyway, thumbs up for wanting to beat Gert IV

Blight Racing (534) - I'd rather be a Paki than a Pom ( drunkenly repeat).

The F factor (533) - ... not long to go now...

Wolf Racing (523) - Still my favourite profile.

Big Racing D's (515) - So is it mine or your shout or what??

kentucky (504) - Mission statement: "to be the best I can be and have fun doing it". Are you a Mormon or WHAT??

B & B Racing (503) - A Pommie Hamilton sycophant. The worst kind.

madmax racing (503) - DITO.

aa-001 (486) - Sorry mate, really crap.

Longy Racing (472) - His profile says "A Braune fan" (sic). Need I say anymore?

Cozzie's Superstarz (447) - Hopefully the last of the V8 Bogans.

greenies (431) - Blues Brothers fan eh? Then you'll understand this. greenies!!!!? Shiiiiiiiiiit

Mcwillari (421) - ... Cause, the biggest disappointment in the world is me.

Red Bull (397) - Do you know Yoongy? Or Akmer, maybe?

Bangalore_Locals (393) - No I don't live here anymore and I'm not interested.

chappers755 (338) - Congratulations. BTW, are you Pete:stop's second team?

We have 8 races to go starting this week in Hungary with a race at the warmer Hungaroring track. This track will see teams moving back to their Monaco spec configurations so in theory you would think that Brawn and Jenson Button should win... but if the Red Bulls have another 1,2 finish than Button is in real trouble. Sébastien Bourdais has been dropped by Toro Rosso for the rest of the year and it looks like he will be replaced by a young Spanish driver called Jaime Alguersuari whom you can bet will be bringing a bag load of money with him. This is bad luck for Bourdais as Toro Rosso will finally be getting the spec of their sister Red Bull car for this race. Numerous other teams have received updates recently with Hamilton's McLaren looking [Thruster voice] very racey at the last race. You would think it is only a matter of time before Lewis is back on the podium. There is also rumours around that Nelson Piquet could be on very thin ice at Renault. He will be given the new updates that Alonso received in Germany and anything but a good result could see Nelsinho dropped like Bourdais.

Well that's about it for now folks. Who knows when the next report will be? Good luck for Hungary and may the best team win. Deep down I love ya's all!!!