Aussie Aussie Aussie Presents If You Don't Watch Bathurst You're Un-Australian, Shit Yeah!
An open letter from a former Bathurst winner:
Dear V8 underSteer punters.
You’re all a pack of arseholes.
Regards,
‘Gentleman’ Jim
Yes folks it’s that time of the year; the footy has finished, the weather is getting warmer and the beer colder… yes its Bathurst time!!
Bathurst really is an institution in Australia. If anybody is currently reading this report and they have never watched a Bathurst from start to finish I want you to pack your belongings and LEAVE OUR COUNTRY. Go on! Get out! If you’re still reading and you’re a Ford fan, well you can pack your stuff and join them as well. Its Holden fans only from now.
Ok, that just leaves us real Aussies. Can you feel the love and smell the testosterone fellas… oh I love it. Somebody crank up a bit of Chisel will ya! Cheers. Na, not Flame Trees – that’s fag music… a bit of Khe Sanh eh…. That’s better.
First question I want to know is what everybody’s favourite Bathurst victory? Mine was 1984– Brocky’s last real win in the 05 HDT Commodore which he drove with ‘larrikin’ Larry Perkins. If you go and look at your Bathurst history, Holden has won 15 of the last 20 races. Easily the lowlight of those 20 races was 1994 when Dick Johnson and John Bowe won in the EB Falcon. I still remember throwing a VB tallie at the television that afternoon.
Recently Bathurst has been dominated by Greg Murphy (4 wins) and Mark Skaife (5 wins). The only threat to the Holden domination not continuing this weekend stands in the shape of the WOW Sight and Sound entry of Grant Denyer and… ok, just jokes… the only Ford that can win this year is the Craig Lowndes / Jamie Whinchup team. These guys won Sandown easily and will start favourite this weekend. Something which could bring them down though is the fact they are using a brand new car, yes that’s right they are taking a car to Bathurst which has never raced before. They both seem cautiously optimistic though so we’ll see what happens. Any reliability issues will surely be taken advantage of by the Toll or HRT guys.
I’ve also taken a look at some of the V8 supercar team pages on the internet. If I were to give out awards they would go accordingly;
Worst: Supercheap. (there only news item since April was about Mr Charisma Cam and his wife having a baby)
Funniest: Sirromet Wines. (the only V8 team page which has the owners name as it domain… no PM doesn’t have an ego!)
Best smut: Dick Johnson Racing. (I was half pied waiting for Tricky Dicky to pop on screen once you get past their impressive security to yell “you’re not looking at this site with those shoes on”.
I've also gone to the trouble of doing the driver pairings and their car number with a brief thought on how I think they will do. Yeah, I'm a kind person I know.
Car 51: G.Murphy/J.Richards - Huge podium chance
Car 3: M.Noske/J.Verdnik - Ran out of fuel at Sandown but in a reliable car
Car 16: C.Baird/P.Radisich - Reliable drivers in a reliable car so should finish top ten
Car 1: R.Kelly/G.Tander - Huge win chance
Car 2: T.Kelly/M.Skaife - Huge win chance
Car 22: N.Pretty/G.Seton - With Glenn Seton at the wheel they are absolutely no chance of winning Bathurst
Car 9: R.Ingall/L.Youlden - What's Lukey thinking of driving with this tosser. Should be top ten.
Car 4: D.Besnard/J.Courtney - Should be top 5 if they can sort out their reliabilty. How many times will Channel 7 segway Courtney with Dancing With The Stars
Car 6: S.Richards/M.Winterbottom - Huge podium chance. Maybe a pole position as well.
Car 5: O.Kelly/M.Halliday - Halliday screwed up Winterbottom's race at Sandown. If he can stay out of trouble maybe a top ten.
Car 7: S.Price/'Young'J.Perkins - Huge potential for a crash
Car 11: M.Marshall/K.Scott - Did a good job at Sandown by finishing but can they do it again?
Car 8: J.Bargwanna/M.Wilson - Two experienced guys in a new car. If it is reliable should be a top ten.
Car 10: M.Dog/M.Caruso - Mad dog went well last year. Can he do it again? Channel 7 hope so!
Car 12: A.Jones/S.Wills - Reliabilty issues
Car 14: C.Murchison/D.White - Murchison had a crash at their last test but the car survived. Look for him to finish the job here.
Car 18: A.Davison/A.Thompson - Did a good job at Sandown and in Will Davison's reliable car. Smokey for the top ten.
Car 17: S.Johnson/W.Davison - It's a pity Will has teamed with Jnr cause he was looking good in the championship.
Car 6: P.Dumbrell/P.Weel - A lucky 6th at Sandown thanks to Paul Weel.
Car 50: C.McConville/D.Reynolds - I just want to know how Mr Chasisma is going to drive Bathurst and also be the experts guy for the China GP? If anybody can, Cam can.
Car 25: J.Bright/A.Macrow - Car isn't reliable... budget issues after Brighty's big acco in WA earlier this year.
Car 26: A.Gurr/W.Luff - If they finish will be at the back of the field.
Car 33: D.Canto/L.Holdsworth - In a strong Enduro team and could be top 5.
Car 34: C.McLean/G.Ritter - Again under the Garry Rogers umbrella so should be reliable and finish mid field.
Car 67: S.Ellery/P.Morris - PaulMorris.com says he should have finished higher at Sandown. I don't mess with PaulMorris.com because he scares me.
Car 39: F.Coulthard/C.Pither - In a reliable car and should finish mid field.
Car 888: C.Lowndes/J.Whincup - The race favouites after their easy Sandown win. They have a brand new car for the race which is a gamble.
Car 88: R.Lyons/A.Simonsen - No idea why they bring these guys out. In a reliable car though.
Car 55: S.Owen/T.D'Alberto - Went well at Bathurst so you would have to think they will try and stay out of trouble again.
Car 21: S.Gisbergen/J.McIntyre - This Kiwi driver Gisbergen looks good and anybody who knows me would know I don't say that too often!
Car 111: J.Bowe/J.Webb - Well no doubt JB's plan will be to stay out of trouble and hope for rain or some sort of luck to jag something.
Bathurst is a lottery so I'm predicting teams like The X Factor, Team K, and Wham! to collect a nice tally of points this round. In fact whoever wins this round for underSteer WILL NOT win V8 underSteer this year.
If you haven't put tips in for a while just do it for this round becuase all everybody will remember at the end of the year is who won the Bathurst round. Let’s hope it is a good day and a Holden wins.