The Punter's Fear Of The Bonus Driver

Well I guess something meaningful should be said to sum up the year but this isn't the right place for it. Meaning has as much chance of being in an understeer report as restraint has in being in a Baz Luhrman film. So with that did anybody see that shit show Dance Machine? I like it when a totally bald man chooses to wear a head band, it makes him look like a circumcised penis without him realising it. If you missed it and were wondering who won well I don't know but the circumcised penis was in the final two. What of news from the motorsport categories? In V8's the big news is that Paul Morris has retired from full time V8 racing (god have mercy on the driver who takes his seat!) while in WRC the big news is that Rossi competed in the British GP and as for MotoGP the news is that Rossi competed in the British GP. The biggest news though is that Honda are selling their F1 team and its tragic news for all those Honda employees who always rely on that "big christmas bonus" at this time of year that won't be getting it, obviously not learning anything from the morality tale, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

I haven't checked much in the way of F1 recently but it seems the future of F1 is A1 with Max having his second brightest idea of the year by putting forth the idea of a one engine series. Of course the teams do need to reduce the amount of money they spend but I'm sure he can come up with a better way for them to remain disciplined in this respect. There is also specultion that Red Bull could drop out of F1 (Toro Rosso have been on the chopping block for the last year or so) but I would like to be a fly on the wall as Dietrich Materisitch's financial advisor tries to help Dietrich get his head around dropping out of a motoring series instead of joining one. As for the circuits they are disappearing like a teenaged father. Both Canada and France have gone and Germany looks a bit Albert Park with Hochenheim saying it needs money from the government and Nurburgring doesn't want to do it more than every two years. So if I manipulate some statistics I could say there is no longer a race in Europe. Here is my reasoning. The two Spanish rounds are watching Alonso and not a race, Monaco is a made up country for a made up monarchy, British don't like to be known as European, Germans were NAZI's and thus don't count, Hungary doesn't have the Euro, Gladious hates Spa and Italy is a Ferrari display with other cars in the way. So you would have to agree with me that Europe no longer has any races.

The year has gone by so fast and if you joined understeer and didn't pick in every category well the terrorists have won. As it turned out one of them won anyway. David Hicks managed to win everything bar V8's but his loss of the V8 chamyinship wasn't from a lack of trying on Sennamental Favourite's part. The end of his season was choking of the highest order. He finished with placings of 19th, 12th, 19th and the piece de resistance 34th. I wonder if there will be any crazy V8 penalties this week? Anyway Adolf Warne managed to sneek away the win thanks to two big wins at Indy and Symmons Plains to crawl back the 98 point deficit he had after Bathurst. But this round of V8's was a farewell to Skaifey and Oran Park and a F*CK OFF! to Paul "The Dude" Morris. There have been some great memories at Oran Park apparently but I can only remember one, when Larko went up the arse of the Dude in the Big Kev car. Thinking about Big Kev I think he would see us through the financial strife that we're in at the moment if he was still with us. If he couldn't boost consumer confidence nobody can. Speaking of Larko, he's a queer duck. Today he was going around saying that he put his foot under people's car to get an idea of the ride height which makes you think why isn't he still running a team? But when he said this it was like he was making a suggestion to viewers for the next time they do a pit walk because he didn't talk about anybody's ride. So for your next pit walk do a larko and get your foot crushed by a tyre.

Of course Whincup won the title by winning 10 out of 11 races or something stupid and then went shit but who won the thumbs up shamyinship (as seen by me). So if you have different numbers to me and say "hey you say Frosty did 9 thumbs up but I counted 12" well too bad this is partly subjective. Obviously the favourite for this title was Clowndes at $1.50 but when WPS pulled out and Bargs had no drive he went down to $1.05. The problem with this title is that you have to be seen to win it so you have to be on the podium or crash a lot and act like an overly positive tool. Two things Clowndsey has accomplished in his career. Without further a due the winner is SHARED between Craig Lowndes and Jamie Whincup. When you win as many races as Whinners its hard to keep the thumbs up in check and despite seeming to prefer the index finger going up to indicate No. 1 he came away with 18. Lowndes had a quiet start but managed to throw a few thumbs up in whenever Whinners won, the sly c*nt! Richos World finished on the bottom step of the podium with 12 but what was disappointing was that neither Skaiffoid or "No Rick" Kelly did a thumbs up all season despite having much TV time to do it. This why they went so shit in the actual title race. Even Frosty's wife, Renae Frosty did one and so did Junior's kid, Junior Johnson Junior (also known as Jett). I reckon both would have done a better job in the car than Skaiffoid too.

I probably should write something that has some relation to the title of this report. Bonus points are too much and TEAM K gets them all but so did The DR once and I believe that he is now back in the bonus driver picking pack. That seems enough said about that. Hicksie managed to win the TT title for the second straight year and I'm willing to bet he thinks he can do it again next year but won't say as much for fear of jinxing it. TEAM K seems to be on the improve coming second in the TT and MotoGP. Next year he should be looking to lead something at some stage other than doing what he did a lot of the year in MotoGP (sit in second) or last year in V8's (sneek into second). If you're interested I'll post a Christmas video on Christmas day with a Queen's message. 'Til then.